Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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