i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
