I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
