So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
