Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
