Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
