Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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