i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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