There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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