On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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