Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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