He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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