I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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