I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
