if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
