Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
