Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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