I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
