She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
