Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
