Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
