wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize