The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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