My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
