i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
