she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
