i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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