You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
