Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
