it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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