he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
where are my eyebrows?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
