I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
