Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
