we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
