you guys were way drunker than both of me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
