Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize