I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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