I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
