so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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