I skipped work to stalk him.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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