Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
