I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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