there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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