You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
