Already got asked if we're dating
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
