He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
