ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
