the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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