$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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