if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize