Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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