someone get that fucking seahorse.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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