we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
