I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
