dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is the high leading the old right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
