What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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