So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
