I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
