my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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