Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
