my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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