my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm like, not good at living.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
