he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
